Abrupt
by usakiwigirl
Summary: It's over so quickly, Danny can't wrap his mind around the details. Rated T for now, for language. Contains major character death (but only briefly).
1. Abrupt

_Written for the A to Z Weekly Challenge at the LJ community 1-Million-Words. I'm just starting, so this is the beginning of the alphabet. Also, don't hurt me, okay? I've never done this to any of my characters before (except in Torchwood, but that doesn't count, because they bounce back - what, it's sci-fi!), but this one kind of wrote itself. I didn't start out doing this, but it just worked out this way. I'm sorry. I love the boys, honest!_

* * *

He's staring out at the azure waters behind Steve's house, mind circling over the unfairness of it all. For a few brief moments today, he came so close, _so fucking close_, to saving Steve. But he saw that golden skin turn ashen, watched the light fade from those intense aquamarine eyes, and he felt his heart stop, okay, actually stop, because he knew Steve was gone for good. All this time together, and he's always thought McGarrett was going to send him to an early grave just because of his asinine behaviour; he never really believed it was an actual possibility, and he never thought it would be Steve's funeral he would be facing.

He's not thinking about much anymore – it just hurts – but he has a feeling he's going to be pretty apathetic about the job for quite some time, if not forever. It just won't be the same without Steve.


	2. Blindsided

_Sorry it's taken so long to update this - originally I planned on just writing a series of one-shots per letter, so had no need to add chapters. The muse, on the other hand, had other ideas. Ergo, I present you the letter "B" in what is looking to be an entire alphabetized serial story._

* * *

In all his time as a police officer, he has never felt so bewildered; bemused, befuddled, baffled, and bamboozled. He is even willing to use the slang term the tourists from Down Under throw around – buggered. Danny Williams is tied up in a long rope of confusion, and he doesn't know how he is getting loose.

Yesterday… yesterday, his partner was dead, ready for burial. His life was blown out like a flame from a candle. Danny knew this to be the truth.

Today? Well, today he is visiting Steve in hospital, content to hear the beeping of the machines that show proof of life.


	3. Catechism

_Week three, and I give you the letter "C". Poor Danny, still so guilt ridden._

* * *

Danny isn't looking forward to the conversation he knows he _has_ to have with the therapist; his feelings are so convoluted and twisted since Steve's miraculous come-back from death. Danny _saw_ Steve die. He saw the life drain from Steve's face. His partner, his _friend_ ceased to breathe. The EMT's pushed Danny out of the way to work on Steve as they rushed him into the ambulance, but Danny just knew it was all over. It was the reason why he didn't go to the hospital, but instead went straight to Steve's house. He needed the air, to be grounded, or else he would have collapsed himself.

Now, Steve is slowly convalescing, the road ahead long and tortuous. Danny will be there for him every step of the way. He is not going to let the guilt he feels for abandoning Steve chase him away. Steve is too important to him.

And he doesn't want to explain why to the therapist.


	4. Denial

_Steve is recovering, but oh so slowly. Danny, on the other hand, is careening headfirst into something he is just not ready to face._

* * *

If there is one thing Danny has perfected over his years stuck in pineapple hell, it is the art of denial. Is this home? No, it is merely where he chooses to be domiciled until Grace reaches her majority and leaves for college. Does he like Hawai'i? No, he merely tolerates the denizens of the islands, preferring instead the rough and tough Joey's and Tony's of New Jersey.

Watching Steve as he slowly recovers from his debilitating near-death experience, Danny is finding that he needs to use his prodigious skills in denial most of all. Every breath the man takes, every pained gasp during physical therapy, every whined complaint about another night spent in hospital, Danny asks himself just one question; does he love Steve? Yes, he does. But does he desire him?

Well, that is the question Danny is denying he is even thinking.


	5. Education

_And we're caught up now. With any luck - and Steve and Danny's cooperation - I'll be posting a chapter every week from now on._

* * *

Watching Steve walk – well, hobble really, he's still too broken to walk with his usual exuberant flair, and it hurts to watch, but it also fills Danny with an exhilaration that is disproportionate to the action. Steve was dead, and now he isn't. Danny is still talking through his demons with the HPD shrink; the guilt that eats him alive at night, knowing he left Steve all alone, he knows he's giving that woman enough material to write ten books by the time they're finished.

The thing is, Danny isn't going to leave Steve, not now that he is finally shuffling along the hospital corridors without any aid except for the odd grab at the rails that line the walls, and not now that he is slowly coming to terms with his own desires toward the injured man.

It's been a hard lesson to learn, but Danny is a smart man, and he rarely makes the same mistake twice. Danny is never leaving Steve behind – or alone – again.


	6. Fear

_Steve is coming home, and Danny is slowly coming to terms with his own emotions. Very slowly._

* * *

Steve is finally ready to leave the hospital, and Danny is absolutely, positively not afraid – at all – to say that he is absolutely, positively, _freakishly_ terrified about being alone with him at home. Oh, not because he's worried about hurting Steve while taking care of him – Danny is a good father; he's had plenty of practice playing nurse to Grace, and even to Rachel when he was married. He can manage the physical practicalities of looking after a man who, for all intents and purposes, is still little more than an infant in his ability to look after himself. Steve is still broken, and Danny is the only one available who can fix him.

No, what Danny is scared of are his own feelings, because he cares so much. He _loves_ Steve, okay? There, he said it, he admitted it, he loves Steve, and yeah, he desires him, too. And right now, right now while Steve is still so badly hurt – healing, yes, but still not even close to his former Super!SEAL-self – this lust he feels for Steve is absolutely, positively, _freakishly_unnatural and definitely inappropriate.

He is so, so screwed.


End file.
